Being a parent in the US

and I have no idea what I'm doing

Author

Carin Slater
June 28, 2022

topic - parenting & the world | read time 3 min

I started this newsletter after the Uvalde school shooting when I had a lot of feelings, but I wasn't sure about sharing it here. Especially for my first newsletter. But now, here I am again, just over a month later with a lot of feelings and writing about Birthday Cake Pie feels weird. #SorryNotSorry for the deviation, but if you're not up for this conversation, you can read the Birthday Cake Pie version of the newsletter instead. 'Cause I said I was going to write it, so I did.

Full disclosure: I thought about writing this as a person in the US or a woman in the US, but right now the thing I'm most scared about is how all of this is going to impact my kids. That's what's keeping me up at night, so that's what I'm writing about. Ok, here goes...

When my husband and I first started talking about having kids he was worried. He saw where the world was going and was hesitant to bring kids into it. At the time, I made the point that nothing was going to get better if only the people making the world worse had kids. These days, I sometimes wonder if maybe he was right.

Then again, I watch my daughter get incensed and ask when the protest is when I explain the SCOTUS decision to her. Or I watch her stand up at a school board meeting to present to a bunch of adults about equity in her school district. Or I watch my son dressed in his favorite dress walk into the men's room by himself with his head held high and make old white mens' head turn.

They're making a difference already and they've just started.

I once commented on a friend's post on Facebook and her grandma replied with "let's not make it political" I don't remember what the topic was, but does it matter?

Wearing a mask in the middle of a global health crisis has become "political". Making my own medical decisions as a woman is "political". Sending my kids to school safely has become "political". So, I am going to be political. And I'm going to raise my kids to be political.

I will have conversations that make people uncomfortable. I'll write about it here. I'll talk to my coworkers about it when I'm overwhelmed. I'll get into shouting matches with my dad on family vacations over, well, lots of things.

Most importantly, I will have the hard conversations with my kids.

I'm sure they're going to be scared, but I'm scared too. I'm scared they're going to get ostracized for being themselves. I'm scared that they're not going to have access to care that they need. I'm scared that they're going to get shot. In our house, being scared doesn't mean we don't do things.

Found on Twitter

Someone Tweeted this, but I can't remember who. If you know, reply so I can credit it.

These days my anger is working over time, so I'm doing things angry and scared.

As hard as it is raising kids in this climate, I'm glad we can show them how to deal with it. We go to protests with them. And take them voting. And teach them about what's going on in the world. And introduce them to as much as possible. And talk about mental health and taking time for yourself. Because I don't remember my parents doing any of that, maybe because there was less going on? Or maybe it just seemed like there was less going on because my parents shielded me from it? 🤷🏼‍♀️ If the latter is the case, I'm not going to hold it against my parents.

As a parent, you're just winging it and trying to do what's best for your kids. Sometimes you're going to make mistakes. I've found that being open and honest with my kids is the best way for me to be a parent.

So we talk about a lot of stuff - serious and funny, scary and goofy, awkward and light, angry and loving. I admit when I make a mistake and I ask that they do the same. The hard moments are hard, but they're necessary. Then there's hugs and cuddles to remind them home's a safe space to talk about everything. And finally we sit on the couch and watch Full House or read books or play games to get back to "normal".

At the end of the day I want them to have as many tools as possible to live their best life and change the world, even if it's only their little corner of it.

Fly or Flop?

I don't have the answer for this one. I'm making it all up as I go along. Some days things happen that make being a human, let alone a parent, hard. I'm hoping that I'm raising informed kids that can help make this country a better place. On hard days that seems like an impossibility, but I'm going to keep trying and keep talking to them about it all.

Til next month, have the hard conversations and make good trouble.Carin

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