Being a Badass

This month I was on a panel at the ANA's Email Evolution Conference called Badass Women and Why Representation Matters in MarTech. (Hi to those of you that saw me!)

I was extremely honored to be on the panel and it was great sitting next to all the amazing women up there, but I kept asking myself, am I really a badass?

Guilda asked the question "What does it mean to be a badass?" during the panel, so I'm not going to answer that here. I'd rather dig into what doesn't stop you from being a badass. Those things that make you doubt yourself? They don't stop you from being a badass and can actually help you.

You can be a badass and still...

How can I be a badass but still feel like I don't know what I'm doing? Instead of focusing on what you don't know focus on what you do know. Those things that I do every day that seem common place to me, those are groundbreaking for some. Being a badass doesn't mean you know everything, it means you know some things better than the average Josephine on the street. Those years you spent learning something weren't in vain and you know it.

In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, "the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off."

You know what you know. So the next time the doubt creeps in, go ahead and let it in. Take a moment and second guess yourself, and then shake it off. 'Cause, yeah, you've got this.

I do this all the time. I think it's the loudest voice whenever I start doubting myself: "Sure, I can do this, but XXX can do it so much better so I must not be a badass."

Which is bullshit.

What other people can or can't do does not diminish or take away from what you can do. Are there people out there that can do what I can do better than me?

Yep.

And if the answer to that question is ever "no" then I'm not looking hard enough. Those people push me, inspire me, and make me strive to be better.

So the next time that voice says "XXX can do it better" turn it around and say "Yeah, XXX can do it better, I'll reach out to them to see if they can help me do it better, too."

Making a mistake doesn't mean you're not a badass, it just means you're human. Mistakes are how we learn and grow.

I've learned that when I make a mistake, I need to use that as an opportunity to figure out how I can do better. Do I get upset when I make a mistake? Yeah, but dwelling on it doesn't help anyone. When I make a mistake I allow myself a couple of minutes to freak out. Then I woman up and figure out how to do better in the future - usually in the way of a Slack reminder, Jira checklist, or post-it note. I do love a good post it note.

Essentially, making a mistake is your chance to level up your badass-ness in real time. Don't let it go to waste.

Growing up all the badasses were the cool people. They did sports and had lots of friends and didn't give a flip about anything.

Growing up I had glasses, and braces, and read a lot, and didn't have many friends (One. I had one friend. Who lead me down the school halls by my elbow while I read a book.)

Sometimes I feel a little too loud, or a little too nerdy, or a little too awkward and I'm reminded of that kid who was decidedly not a badass and I wonder how far I've actually come. Times like those I lean on friends. People who know my accomplishments and know the wacky, confident nerd I've become. People who have helped me realize that it's OK to be a nerd. People who remind me that no matter how nerdy and awkward I may be, they've got my back.

Because I'm still a nerd–the braces have been replaced with a retainer, but I still have the glasses and I still read a lot. But being a badass is not about if you're a nerd or not, it's about embracing who you are and finding your tribe.

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances who I think of as badasses. I see all that they do and am just floored by it.

At the end of the day I read a book or play a game with my family and think "how can I be a badass when I'm sitting here doing this?" I forget that with other people I'm only seeing the tip of the iceberg of their life. In my life, I am the iceberg.

No one feels like a badass 100% of the time. And if they tell you they do, they're probably lying. Or supremely over confident. Maybe Elon Musk feels like a badass 100% of the time. Do you really want to be like Elon Musk?

For me, some days...

• my mistakes out number my successes

• are just meh overall

• my email dev badass cred has been strained, but my mom badass is killing it.

No matter what kind of day it is, at the end I just want to curl up with a good book or some kind of game and surround myself with family.

You can't be your best self if you've been run ragged, so cut yourself some slack. You don't have to feel like a badass in everything all the time.

Fly or flop?

So am I a badass? I think so. Even on my not so good days, I'll still try to challenge myself to do better. Or maybe just cuddle the squishmellow my daughter got me for Christmas. Either way I'm a badass. 😏

Til next month; take chances, make mistakes, get messy!Carin

Everyone needs a cheerleader. Sometimes when it's hard to jump in or you are doubting yourself, you need a reminder. Find your cheerleaders and let them know when you are having trouble. And if you see someone who is a badass and needs a reminder, go ahead and be their cheerleader. 'Cause everyone can use a reminder of how awesome they are and that what they're doing matters. Even if it's "just email".

Actually, use this email as your reminder to tell the badasses in your life that they're awesome. Go ahead, I'm done for now. I'll catch you next month.

Oh wait! New section! I might as well share what I'm reading with y'all...

This month I've read Octavia Butler's Dawn, Pierce Brown's Red Rising and Golden Son, and I finished Jennifer Armentrout's Blood and Ash series and Harbinger Series and started her Flesh and Fire series. I've also started Stephen King's Fairy Tale and Kaoru Takamura's Lady Joker, Volume 1

Follow along as I devour books this year

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